Homebound

I am sick and tired of commuting to and from work. We bought a condo already, but it will be ready close to the end of 2017…. Ugh so far away. I can’t wait until I am a 10 min walk to work. That will save me so much time and I will also be able to sleep in more ;). I live where we have winter – the super cold winters… Not these mild, rainy, “chilly” winters. No. I’m talking freezing cold icicles hanging from every building, winds so strong they make tears come down your face while you walk, you need to cover every piece of exposed skin for fear of frostbite, you don’t want to go outside your house because that means you’ll have to shovel, you try to get a ride to anywhere and everywhere because so help you God if you have to take public transit – kind of winters. Yea, those. I hate winter, if you haven’t noticed. I hope you are in a warmer place wherever you are.

I just came back from vacation and I didn’t want to leave… Well, if I’m to be honest, I kind of did want to leave, but not due to the weather (the weather was amazing). It was because my mom and I were starting to get sick of each other. She has this anxiety issue and had an anxiety attack over nothing and it prevented me from doing what I wanted to do… I really can’t handle her sometimes. But anyways, that’s over with and moving on now.

I’ve returned to this cold hell. Yesterday was so windy that I couldn’t even walk straight because the wind was pushing me every which direction. At least I have a lovely tan!! I will be definitely going somewhere hot – sooner rather than later.

Also my mom likes to drive behind the slowest freakin cars on the road. Like hurry the F up. I want to get home. So many cars are passing us… As they should be. We aren’t even talking right now. I’m typing this instead… She probably thinks I am ignoring her. Fine. Whatever.

Here’s a photo from my vacation for your enjoyment.

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– P

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Vaca

I’m currently on vacation, so I will be posting when I get back 🙂

I’m often the afterthought

So the boss brings his newest girlfriend to work today and didn’t even bother to introduce us, even as they were passing by my room and he saw I was free and not with a client. OK – why should I even care, you may ask? Well, I don’t really. He goes through girlfriends like they are going out of style. The thing that irked me was that he introduced her to every other person at work, and clearly she was there for a purpose… To see where he works, who he works with, and to meet the staff. At the end of the day, he goes to me, “So did you meet A (not mentioning her name on here)?” I go, “No, who’s A?” He bows his head like a kid does when he knows he’s done something wrong and says, “Oh, I’m sorry about that.”

Lies. I’m always the last person he shares any personal info with pertaining to his life. And vice-versa, I suppose. But, when you are parading your girlfriend around to everyone and clearly exclude me… Like I don’t even care about her. It’s the fact that you had the opportunity to invite me into your world that you share so freely with others, yet, you shut he door in my face once again. This isn’t the first time this sort of thing has happened. He often says: “Did you know about this thing happening on such-and-such a day?” Or “You know this person, right? (meaning someone he is close with – family/friend) … Mostly I play dumb, like, “Yea, of course!” In my head, I’m thinking… NO, I DONT KNOW BECAUSE YOU DONT SHARE ANYTHING WITH ME!! And believe me, I’ve tried asking about him all the time, but he really likes giving short or few-word answers and then the conversation gets real awkward, real fast. So I just shut up.

Then again, I am the quietest one at work. The most reserved. I mostly keep to myself, but try not to. I don’t want to seem like a total outcast even though that is how I truly feel. I feel like my second job is acting. I’ve become quite good at it, I think. Maybe I am unapproachable. I engage with almost all my co-workers – except my boss and one other girl who I don’t think likes me very much for some reason. What I have ever done to her, I don’t know. I try to talk to her all the time. She puts a wall up. So fine. I won’t talk to you. It’s awkward but that’s the way she wants it so fine.

Well, since I am unapproachable and keep to myself, I guess my boss and maybe that girl sees this and takes it as I don’t care enough about them to engage. So then they don’t engage. And then I take this as them not wanting to let me in.

This is just one big messed up silent cycle.

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– P

Just my luck

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Today was both lucky and unlucky. Lucky because my boss told me I’ll be working Fridays now (having me work a full week now) and that everyone in the office and the patients all love me. Ha! Imagine that. If only it was the type of love I was looking for. Anyways, I am happy about that. I was working Fridays for the most part, but not always. More money I suppose! I somehow still feel like I will get fired everyday. I just don’t know why I can’t shake this insecure feeling. My boss senses it, one of my co-workers senses it… I guess if I keep this up my fearful thoughts will become reality, and that would NOT be good. I would literally lose my mind.

Unlucky because I am going on vacation toward the end of next week and I checked the extended forecast for that place and as luck would have it… Thunderstorms – EVERY. FREAKIN. DAY. Just wonderful. Amazing. Like I really want to go now.

On a side-note – totally unrelated, but I guess it would fall into the unlucky category – my mom is taking some extended family and myself out for dinner tomorrow at a place with ribs, amazing fries, burgers, and basically delicious mouthwatering food. What am I going to eat that won’t break the scale? Oh jeeeezus. Stay strong P, stay strong.

– P